Cross your leg and act like a lady. Don’t talk unless you are spoken too. You will have two forks and one knife on the right side of you. Place the napkin on your lap and use the first fork for the appetizer and the second one for your entrée. If you have to go to the bathroom, put your index finger up and politely and say I need to excuse myself. Make sure you smile too. I have to throw-up please stop talking I said to myself. With a gesture I nodded my head and inwardly seething, I did exactly what I was told. With a deep sigh that I really was trying to hold in for the past 20 minutes without interrupting her I nicely said with my index finger up just like she told me, “please mom may I use the bathroom. ” What’s wrong with you Shelly? My mom said with an attitude. I’m just making sure you ready for this interview with Oprah this is once in a lifetime for any young girl. I want to make sure you are prepare for this. As my mom continues to talk disregarding me going to the bathroom. I felt the room spinning. I started to get light headed and dizzy. I had my head all the way down to my lap. I felt sharp pains and jumped right up and ran to the bathroom. Not sure if my mom said anything, I slammed the door quickly and turned the faucet water on. I put my head to the toilet and threw up. Not sure if it was the ginger ale or the crackers I ate earlier today. I just didn’t understand why I continue to gag and throw up when I don’t even eat. I flushed the toilet and stood in the mirror. I took my hands under the cold faucet water and splash the water on to my face. I looked back into the mirror and I felt myself deteriorating. I wanted to cry but I knew if I cried my mother would see my red puffy eyes. So I had took out the little confidence I had left and decided to suck it up. I turned the water off and open the door. I sat back on the couch and picked up the photo album from the table. I guess my mom heard me come back to the living room because she continue to talk. “Make sure you use Ms. and Mr. at all-time, Please and thank you. I put my hand to my head and flip through the pages of my younger days when life was easy and I didn’t have my mom giving me long conversations about how to act when I see a billionaire. I miss those happy days. I would give my daughter freedom and never make her something she’s not. I thought to myself. I will not create an identity for her. I lift my head up and saw my mom’s face. She wasn’t too happy and she grabbed the album right out my hand. Shelly you need to listen my mom yelled. This will benefit you I promise just listen for god sake. A weird scent comes underneath my nose and I started to panic. The dizziness starts to appear again. What the hell is wrong with me? My mother continues to call my name. “Shelly, Shelly Shelly.” I shooked my head I knew my mother was frustrated with me if she knew my pain she still wouldn’t get it. I kindly asked her if I can go to bed. “I’m tired mom” I said calmly. I pretended to yawn and my mom just stood over me with her hands on her hip. Just go shelly I don’t know what to do with you anymore. If you mess up the opportunity you just mess it up. I zoomed out the living room and headed in to my room. The dizziness was surreal now. Every day for the past 3 weeks it’s always this time when my stomach pains get worse and I feel like I’m dying. I couldn’t let my mom know what’s going on. She would have had a heart attack and disown me. Knowing that her only little girl is not her little girl anymore and may be having a little girl of her own, will frighten her. I had to get rid of this. I already felt alone. Not having my mom or the person I slept with as a support system hurts me. I didn’t have anybody. I turned off all the lights in my room and got down on both knees. That’s when the first drop from my left eye came down and I started to cry. Darkness was overtaking my life. I had only emptiness and my heart leaped to the rapture of living. I just could not believe darkness comes into this happy moment and now my future looks blank. I remember sleeping on the floor that night. Praying for this procedure now as I try to force myself to sleep. The next couple days was hard for me because I was getting closer to getting my procedure and closer to meeting the most beautiful person I admire so much soon. I avoided everything. My mom and long conversations, school and friends. I just kept going in and out my room not trying to make any contact with reality. My room was the safest place for me. I remember that Friday morning clearly as I went to clinic alone and I saw so many females sitting in the waiting room. Some had their significant others some didn’t. I just thought to myself am I making the right decision? The nurses was very helpful made me signed some papers and gave me an ultra sound to see how many weeks I was. They also gave me the opportunity to talk to a counselor about the situation. I was nervous being that this is the first time I actually talked to someone about how I am feeling and what I’m thinking. The nurse told me its life everybody has their reasoning’s why they come here and get this procedure done. People are just not ready for a child. I just thought about my reason why I can’t keep this child. My mother. It’s not what she wants for her daughter. She wants to see her daughter progress in life and be the next Oprah. That’s the only reason why I’m here. As the hours pass I was finally on the table. I had on a nighty that only cover the front of my body and barely the back. I looked and saw three doctors surrounding me. Lay on your back and open your legs the doctor said. Things running in my mind a baby being taking out of me. I did what they asked me to do and open my legs. I felt uneasy pain on the side of my stomach. Another doctor grabbed one of my arms so that they can inject the Anesthesia inside of me. What are you doing I said sounding scare. The doctor smile well we have to put you to sleep in order to do the procedure. The tear from my left eye came falling down again. I can’t do this I mummer. Excuse me? The doctor said staring right into my eyes. You can’t do what. I lift my head up. I can’t do this procedure. Are you sure the doctor said? Sounding hesitate. I took a deep sigh yes I’m sure. The doctor smiled. No problem let’s get her up and ready to leave this area. I felt embarrass. Embarrass that I went there but I’m happy. Happy that I made the right decision to keep you as Shelly strokes Alana’s hair. Even though I had to change up my lifestyle because I had you it was worth it and I’m telling you this story because I couldn’t openly talk to my mom about the stuff going on in my life. Shelly looks in to Alana’s eye and grabs her hand. Just promise me as your mother that whatever problems you’re going though that you will let me know and I can help you make the best decision. “I will mom.” Alana smile and gives her mom a hug. Shelly’s new dark secret was now revealed. Her entire being symbolized love far more than a rose ever could. Shelly eyes glowed and a tear came out of her right eye. She found her happiness again.
